There are seasons in life that crack you open whether you're ready or not.
For me, that season was 2020.
I wasn't looking for God. I wasn't on some spiritual journey. I was just a woman watching the world fall apart — and asking questions I didn't have answers to.
When the World Stopped Making Sense
The pandemic didn't just shut the world down. It revealed something underneath — a rage, a division, a hatred that I wasn't prepared for. People were turning on each other over personal health choices. If you thought differently, you became the enemy.
My family and I made our own choices during that time. And I want to be clear — if your choice was different, I have no judgment. That is your right. It was just something we were not going to take part in. But the response from people around us was something I will never forget.
I watched people who claimed to stand for love become some of the most hateful voices I had ever seen. And I couldn't look away. Not because I wanted to stay in the anger — but because I kept asking: how did we get here? What is happening to this world?
The Voice That Pointed Me to God
It was around this time that I started really listening to Charlie Kirk.
I had seen him before, but now I was paying attention. And what drew me in wasn't just the politics — it was the way he talked about God. Boldly. Unapologetically. Like faith was something to stand on, not hide.
I want to take a moment here and say — it has been almost ten months since Charlie Kirk was assassinated. And I just want to say that I pray for his family and his children. His voice pointed so many people, including me, toward God. May his family feel covered and held. 🙏
His podcasts led me to other faith-filled voices. And something started stirring in me — not just politically, but spiritually. I started asking bigger questions. Questions I had been carrying since a delivery room years before. Questions I had never fully sat down with.
The Bible on the Bookshelf
My son had started attending a small Christian school. He was going to be learning the Bible. And I decided — if my son was going to learn the Word, I was going to learn it too.
So one weekend I walked into a bookstore and bought myself a Bible.
I was lost.
I opened it and had no idea where to start. No plan. No roadmap. Just a pull — a presence — telling me to read. So I did. And I was confused. The language, the names, the context — it was a lot.
So I did what made sense: I turned to the faith voices I had been listening to for guidance. I downloaded the Bible Project app, which became an incredible tool for understanding the bigger picture of Scripture. And I got myself a study Bible with commentary and breakdowns to help me understand what God was actually saying.
It was slow. It wasn't a lightning bolt moment. It was more like a slow light coming on — page by page, verse by verse.
The Church That Had the Holy Spirit
Around the same time, a friend from my son's school invited us to church.
I had checked out some churches before. But something was always missing — and looking back, I know exactly what it was: the presence of the Holy Spirit. The services felt more like performances than encounters.
But this church was different.
I walked in and felt it. That same unexplainable presence I had felt in the delivery room years before — the one I now had a name for.
And I just kept going back. And I kept reading. And slowly, the Word started to make sense. The pieces started to connect. God started to become less of a concept and more of a relationship.
For the Woman in the Middle of Her Own Cracking Open
"You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart." — Jeremiah 29:13
Maybe the state of the world woke something up in you. Maybe you picked up a Bible and felt completely lost. Maybe you've been to churches that felt empty and you're wondering if there's something more.
The confusion is part of the process. The seeking is the point. You don't have to have it all together before God shows up. You just have to start looking.
🎙️ Listen to Episode 3 of The Seed & Soulful Podcast on Spotify
👉 https://open.spotify.com/show/033jx5veTebnTjF3sNQ5Ue
Find the full podcast at seedandsoulful.com/pages/the-seed-soulful-podcast
Share your testimony: hello@seedandsoulful.com 🌱
0 comments